Thank you for sharing this publicly Deana. Very brave of you. It's very moving and helped me understand a little bit more of your grief and loss. I hope you will not be offended by me saying you are lucky to have had someone in your life who is so hard to say goodbye to. Love you.
I am in tears; I have thought of both of you often.
At times, we do not know what to do, what to say.
I can now say "Good for you!" You have not left him;
he is still the 'Big A"!
Deana: thank you for sharing your journey of grief. It has almost been 4 years since I lost my life-long friend and husband Roy. I still have days that some little thing will trigger me. The other day someone had posted an old picture from the Leader-Post and I noticed that Roy had taken the picture. It brought me to tears. Even though I am in another relationship (and have found happiness again), I don't know that I will ever stop missing my previous life. After all, we shared 42 years of wedded bliss and had two children and five grandchildren. Holidays are the hardest, but we try our best to make them as special as possible. We all must learn to move forward. For me, my grief was such a lonely journey until I met my now partner. He was married to my cousin and he lost her a few months before I lost Roy. It was so comforting to be able to share our grief with each other and also to have someone that I could count on when I was done or vice versa. I too removed my wedding rings a few months after Roy passed away. They were a symbol of something that no longer existed. I took my engagement ring and had it resized for my little finger and I am very pleased with my decision. If I learned anything from grief, it is how to be a better friend. I had some very good friends who stayed connected to me during Roy's sickness and after his passing. But I also had people who seemed to have abandoned me - I just wanted to scream "I didn't die - I am still here." It has taken me quite a while to realize that they either don't know what to say or they are not happy with some decisions that I made. A very wise man told me to keep in touch with those people that are important to me and to let the rest go. The only person that can make you happy is You. I fully believe that Al and Roy would want us to go on with our lives and be happy. One day at a time my friend.... one day at a time.
Thank you, Bev. Your comments and your story will give help and hope to others on their own grief journeys. It is true that people do not know what to say so they may feel embarrassed or awkward when they meet you after your spouse's death. I agree that we have to figure out what makes us happy and go from there. Take care.
You do whatever you need to do, to carry on and live the good life that Al wanted so much for you. Grief really is personal so what works for you is what works for you. Take care, old friend.
Thank you, Vicki. I saw my bereavement group facilitator by chance on the weekend. She told me it took her three years "to stand upright" after her husband passed away. The first year is one of grieving and paperwork, etc. The second is when one begins to figure out what their new life will look like. I suppose the third is when one moves more into living that new life. I feel that I have been "standing upright" for most of the 15-1/2 months since Al died, but there have been tough moments for sure. Many people have told me they are surprised by how strong I am. It's my Ukrainian and Polish heritage and hard-working parents, I suspect. Yes, grief is very personal and I appreciate your support. I plan to continue to use my writing skills to share parts of my journey as I am able, to help others who might need knowledge or support on their journeys. Thanks again.
Blog posts are written by author-editor-publisher Deana J. Driver except as noted. Find Deana's posts on Blogger: